My Life

6th November 2009

2009-11-05T19:36:00.000-08:00

I was late for school.I woke up and did everything as usual.I ended up looking for something to cover my head instead.I no longer have anymore cream for my hair.I kept looking for my cap.I gave up and packed something for breakfast.I left and met Naren at the MRT.My Sweetheart called me for awhile.I really owed her.If it wasn't for her,I might have been absent for school last tuesday as I woke up late.Then we had Bilal"s b'day bash in class.It was one of the worst yet.After school,I called my Sweetheart.I know she's angry.I'm sorry.I didn't mean to upset you.All yo wanted was for me to rest but i insisted.I'm sorry for my stubborn-ness and stupidity.Thank you very much.Forgive me.If you can hear what Im saying in my heart,you'll know how regretful i am.I don't want to quarrel with you anymore nor fight or whatsoever.All I want is to love you.I might be calling her again later.If I don't,she'll know that I'll always pray that she'll do well and gooluck my Sweetheart.Im so sorry.Off I go...

I'll take every pain.Thank you

2009-10-01T21:45:00.000-07:00

It all started with me.I gave a foolscap to a friend,giving an excuse that I accidentally took that foolscap from the girl I love most.I just didn’t want my friend to know what really happened.it was for me to keep.I know whatever pain or problems I have,I only need my loved ones and Allah,not any other girl or bitches out there.I explained everything to her in that foolscap.
Actually all awhile,I had sadness in me.I kept wondering why was I rejected for the things I needed?Truthfully, I was afraid.What if I actually failed my heart test?I couldn’t stop thinking.Then I asked myself,when,when I try doing something good to make my loved ones happy,they just can’t see.Sometimes I feel as if I’m not needed.Am I a failure?Am I not that good enough?I kept thinking in my mind till at times,it makes me feel like crying out loud.But that day,I controlled myself.I went to look for her because I know seeing her makes me calm,I know she can make me smile and change my darkest days.She could see my sadness.She kept asking.But I didn’t want to say because once she told me that when we go out together,we should fill our time with happiness and not let out our problems.so I tried because all I wanted to do was to make her happy.At that time,I really needed her by my side.I still remembered that day ,everything was going out well until me,the stupid me,blew it out.At that time,I really needed her that when she wanted to leave,I suddenly just tried to stop her.I blew out and I stopped her with my emotions.That’s how stupid I am.We left starbucks together and I don’t know why but I shouted at her in front of others,causing her tears to fall down.I was so bloody bustard,cruel and heartless.That night I just felt as if I was dying.The fear of me being sick,having heart problems came to me again.I felt as if I don’t deserve to live,that no one needs me with me being so cruel and stupid.If she could see deep down into my heart,she’ll know how deep my love goes.I regret everything I did.I wasn’t thinking straight.And that day,I had to save up because I need to pay my hp bill.My line was already terminated.I have an outstanding of $180 and I need to pay to continue the line so that will be an additional of around $30.I thought of using my coming pay to pay everything and save to pay for the reactivation of my line.I still have the letter.I did not tell her because I didn’t want her to give her money because I felt that if I told her,she’ll give me her money.I don’t want that to happen because I’m using that line and its my own responsibility to settle it.She was angry because I let go of my responsibility over Matin.I was supposed to send him home but I wasn’t paying attention till I didn’t realized that he left.But she didn’t kow that I chased him and met him at the MRT area there and I sent him home before taking the bus.

Awak,I don’t know if you’re reading this.If you’re,I just want to say that I’m really sorry for hurting you.That day I know you’re really hurt.I’m wrong for my actions.I deserve to be hated.Im such an idiot and jackass.I didn’t think before I did something.I was naïve and reckless.I accept any criticism from you.I don’t mind.If you want to marah me,throw all your anger to me,hit me as hard as you want,hurt me in any way,doakan I for the worst,that I’ll be punished,go on.I redha.Because I accept everything with open arms.I’m wrong and let me face all the punishments from you and Allah.All I got to say is please forgive me.Forgive this irritating moron.

Ya Allah,thank you.Even when you know I’m the most useless servant you have,you still listen to my doa.Thank you Ya Allah.You witness and see everything Ya Allah.I went back home yesterday because I wanted to help mama right Ya Allah.U see it right Ya Allah?I try to please her right Ya Allah?When I came back,mama was angry with me.She refused to talk to me.But you know what’s in my heart right Ya Allah.
I was tired and weak,but I still try cooking for her.I went out to buy the items.I cooked something.I tried because I just wanted mama to feel better and happy even when she was sick.She was in her room all the way till maghrib.I waited for her to come out so she can see what I’ve cooked for her.Then after maghrib,she finally came out of her room.I was excited.I know she’d be delighted to see what I’ve cooked for her.She’s been wanting to cook lauk asam,so I cooked something similar but a little more special,tom yam.I waited,at first I thought she wasn’t hungry.I kept waiting.I kept looking at the pot of tom yam I cooked.Then she changed her clothes.Mama was going out.I thougt she was going to someone’s house for Raya.Then when my sister came home,she asked mama and mama said that she was going out to eat.Ya Allah,only you know how hurt my heart was.She didn’t even tasted a little.I don’t mind if she taste it and criticize it if taste bad.But she didn’t even taste a little Ya Allah.I cooked it for her.Was it wrong Ya Allah?I’m really hurt Ya Allah.But I don’t blame her Ya Allah.I know you hear my doa.You gave me hurt and pain.Thank you Ya Allah.Even I’m a sinner,the worst servant ever,you still hear my doa Ya Allah.Alhamdulillah.Thank you Ya Allah.Thank you for the pain you gave me.I redha with this pain Ya Allah.Thank you.Thank you for being there with me.I never blame anyone for anything.I know I’m the one who should be blamed for everything.I’m never good enough.I know Ya Allah,I’m just useless.But I won’t stop trying Ya Allah,I won’t stop making everyone happy.

To All my loved ones,please forgive me.Hurt me all you want.I’ll take it with open arms.Thank you everyone.Thank you everyone for everything.Forgive me for everything.I know I’ve been a really bad son,brother and hubby.I’m a loser.I can never be anyone or anything.But I’ll always dedicate my life for all of you.My doa for all of you is that may Allah bless you and protect you from any tragedies.May All of you be blessed and be placed among the people loved by Allah in Syurga Firdausi.No matter what,I’ll always love all of you.I’ll do anything,even sacrifice my life just for All of your happiness.Forgive me.Even if I might not be there someday,my doa will always be with all of you.May All of you succeed and reach all your dreams.I’m just a burden and pain.I’ll take anything,any punishment or pain,I know I have lots of sins to all of you.Please forgive.I might bring myself faraway.But I’ll be alright because I don’t know how longer can I take everything.I’m sorry.Please forgive me.

Wani,my dearest.Forgive me for everything.Demi Allah,I’ve never any intention to take advantage of you.Never even has it came across my mind.Demi Allah,everything I do,it’s ikhlas because I love you.I don’t want nor need any other girl.I’ve made promise to Allah that I’ll only love you and I’ll keep that promise.I love you now and forever I will.

Im A Sinner

2009-09-30T23:05:00.000-07:00

Ya Allah,please forgive me.Im just a useless servant of yours.I fill my life with selfishness,egoism,cruelty and lies.I've never been anyone useful.I'm not needed by anyone,I only create difficulties and sadness for other people.My family and my loved ones.Im sinful Ya Allah.Please punish me with the most painful pain that you can ever give anyone Ya Allah.Please Ya Allah.You give me pain and the only pain.But please give the people I love happiness.No matter how much mistakes they make,please forgive them Ya Allah.Give them happiness and success.I don't mind ya Allah if you want to punish me as badly as you want,but no matter what pain or difficulty they face,please take it away.Cure their every sickness.Take away their every sadness.Put smiles on their faces Ya Allah.Bless my family,Siti Nur Syazwani and her family Ya Allah.Please Ya Allah.Please.I beg you.Give me difficulty,any pain but not them Ya Allah.Only you know what's in my heart Ya Allah.If all this while,whatever I do because I just wanna get name for myself,you punish me Ya Allah.You give me painful death Ya Allah.But if all I do just to make them smile and happy,you forgive all my mistakes Ya Allah.Please.Show me the right path Ya Allah.I want to be a better person.Please Ya Allah.Help guide me.You've send me the light,please don't take her away.Please don't take her away.If all this while,I've never sincerely love her,you destroy me now,if my intention is just to take advantage,you punish me with the most painful death Ya Allah.I beg you Ya Allah,don't ever give me any other girl because I don't want nor need anyone else.All I need is Syazwani Ya Allah.I promise you before and I'll promise you again that im never gonna love any other girl.Just her.You become my witness Ya Allah.I'm gonna keep this promise till my very last breath.Hel me change Ya Allah.I don't want to have to lie anymore.Help me Ya Allah.Open my heart.Show me the right way.To you,only to you that I bow,I love you Ya Allah.I love Syazwani,my family an her family.Till death I will.Amin.

Awak,I know you might not read my blog,but if you do,i just wanna say I'm really sorry for hurting you.I didn't meant to By.Trust me.I was just filled with sadness and anger.I was so disappointed with myself that I let my emotions take over me.Im sorry.I was such a jackass,a jerk,shouting at you back there.What was I thinking?Actually I needed you By,that's why I didn't want you to go.But I was too ego to say.Im sorry.By,no matter what,im gonna love you,only you.Thankyou for everything.

I take it faithfully

2009-09-29T20:27:00.000-07:00

Ya Allah,hamba mu ini lemah,daif dan berdosa.Aku sedari segala kesilapanku.Aku ini hamba mu yang terkutuk.Segala kesilapan dan dosa yang telah aku lakukan seperti pasir di lautan,bintang di langit,rumput di darat.Kau berilah petunjuk bagiku.Berilah aku taufiq dan hidayah.Hanya pada engkau aku berserah.Aku terima segala dugaan dan kesusahan yang kau berikan.Kau seksa lah diriku ini,tetapi kau berilah kesenangan,kegembiraan,keselamatan,kesejahteraan dan kebahagiaan kepada orang-orang yang aku sayang di dunia dan di akhirat.Walaupun aku tiada,kau lindungi lah mereka ya Allah.Kau ampunkan segala dosa-dosa mereka walau sebasar lautan pun Ya Allah.Sekiranya kau harus merberiku kesakitan dan kepedihan ini,aku terima dengan hati yang terbuka.Aku ingin rasa disayangi dan dihargai.Hanya engkau saja yang tahu apa yang tersirat di dalam hatiku ini.Kau berilah keampunan kepadaku.Berilah aku kekuatan untik menempuh segalanya.Hanya kaulah tempat aku mengadu siang dan malam.Kau yang meggerakkan segalanya.Tanpamu,tiadalah segalanya.Hanya padamu aku berserah.Amin.

Please By

2009-09-25T02:10:00.000-07:00

By,no matter what,please stay strong and hang on to me.People will never stop talking but we must stay strong k.Please.Remember?Love forever no matter what?That's our promise right?I need you and i really do.Please hold on k.I love you.

2nd day raya

2009-09-25T02:02:00.000-07:00

Today,my aunt came and my sis as well.This morning By called me.I was really hurt when she said she gave the baju to her mama.But then I let it go.Today everything go like shit.Everything was wrong.All I did tak kene.I got really upset.I kept calling By and it was sad when she raised her voice.I really didn't know who to go to now.I went to Ayah Noor's place.Then I went back home straight and left again to wait for By.I walked all the way to 409 where i stopped as I felt my By was around that place.Then,coincidently she smsed me and said that she was at 409.It was like I could feel her presence.(I love you).Then I picked By up under the block.We walked home and I let out my emotions to her.(Thku for being there for me)Then we walked across the field,By was on my back.Haha...Its really great.Then we printed some pics and I sent her home.

Hari Raya

2009-09-25T01:59:00.000-07:00

Today is Raya.After solat I went to By's place to send her baju kurung.Then straight to nenek,ustaz and nenek's place in order.I didnt go home.I overnight at nenek's place instead.Nothing really happened today.Im glad that By liked what I got for her.

On the Night Before Raya

2009-09-25T01:20:00.000-07:00

Wow,raya!!!!!!!Its like the blink of the eyes and puasa is over.Well I met Azizul today,going to GEYLANG..Havoc se,ramai giler orang,sesak se.The longer we stay,the more people there are.I walked rounds and rounds,looking for the perfect baju for my darling.Well,the 1st shop we went,the price was unreasonable at all.$75 on the eve of raya?C'mon man.Finally after walking in rounds and facing the human jam,YES HUMAN JAM!!!Kecoh se.Then I finally chose a purple suit for my honey.I wanted to send her the baju that night but around 11pm,my head started to feel giddy.We rest at Darul Arqam and solat Isyak there.It was hell of a night.I vomited about 4-5 times man.When we wanted to go home at about 12+,there was no more train se.My dad picked us.Tido at 2am.K,till here.

Geylang encore

2009-09-08T06:42:00.000-07:00

6th September 2009
I went blaja ugama.Then I thought of sending By to the MRT.Luckily I saw papa at the MRT.I gave chase and met Nur and By.I passed By her makeup kit.Then she left.I went home,changed and get out.I met By at Paya Lebar S’pore post.They went geylang to change the Punjabi but they couldn’t find the place till I come.Then when we reached,the lady said we could only change on a weekday.Then we looked around for awhile and went to LJS.By and her sis ate while I just have a smell.Haha.(Kesian).Then I met my parents at Geylang.They picked me up and we went to TKC.Then we rushed to Pasar.There wasn’t any space so I rushed myself to Joo chiat.There were tables but there weren’t any chairs.My sis smsed me,’come here now’.I assumed they were at Pasar but then when I reached pasar,they were at Joo Chiat.So I run back there.When I reached,they shouted at me,’Bodoh ah kau!’.It really hurt me and at the same time I was really embarrassed.I didn’t say anything and walked away.Then we bought baju kurung.I bought a red one.Then after everything we went home.Can’t wait for next Thursday.(I love you baby).

Geylang!!!!

2009-09-08T06:41:00.000-07:00

5th September 2009
It started of as a usual day.I met By at the MRT.I was late because I had to help mama buy some kuih things which in the end she didn’t use it because one ingredient was missing.Then we went to Kakak’s house.We reached around 1.30 which was really early as the class was at 2.30pm.By was thirsty so i poured some drink for her.She couldn’t fast.Then she was agitated at me because I wasn’t supposed to pour that drink as Kakak was at home and By was embarrassed.(By,i tak sampai hati seeing you thirsty,that’s why I poured for you the drink).Then we did maths which then ended up being angry at me.(I don’t mind sayang,if you feel stressed,just shout at me,hit me even if you want,as long as you feel better,I don’t mind if I have to get hurt).Then it all starts.We left kakak’s house at 5pm.All the way to Geylang.When we reach there,1st thing By wanted to go to the toilet.I brought her to TKC.The toilet was really bad according to her.Then we went to Haig Road,we wanted to break fast there.By used that toilet.Its was really bad but when it has to come,it has to come.At 1st there wasn’t any space at the coffee shop,but then the mamak made us share a table with two unknown people.We didn’t mind as long as we could eat.By ordered mee kuah and i ordered kway teow goreng.Then while we were eating,the mamak asked for the bill.We paid for the drinks 1st then food.The mamak didn’t give the correct change till I was like shouted at him.The makcik also was fussing about the system there.Haha...Then on the way to shopping.We went to bazaar by bazaar.The shirt at the 1st shop caught By’s attention then we didn’t buy it 1st.We kept walking but everything wasn’t pleasing.I was really tired then we had to go back to the 1st shop.when the seller said the price,we felt like crying.We then went to the Pasar.There we finally bought Punjabi.I was glad seeing the happiness in By’s eyes.Haha.Her smile was really wide.She looked really beautiful.(I love you sayang.Im proud to have you By.It was a hard time choosing clothes,but I found out something about you,you aren’t the type that Aiya Bo Chap,you go all the way for something you want.You don’t just follow others,you got your own style and you are making me love you more and more.Im glad that we got to spend time together.It was really long but every second with you,its meaningful and memorable for me.Thankyou sayang).We then took the MRT home.By wanted to take the bounce but I said nevermind since mama asked not to be late.We stand together in the MRT.By was too tired that she rested on my chest.(Ade air liuh tak?)Haha...That night was really meaningful.I love you By.

Lasalle

2009-09-08T06:39:00.000-07:00

29 August 2009
I cancelled my tuition again.I went out with the sweetest girl in my life.Again on a ‘study-date’.We went to her future school,Lasalle,Amin.(By i want to see you there and I’ll always doakan you will reach your dreams).When we reached,she was thirsty and pleading me to break fast.But I didn’t allow.I know im cruel but I did that because I just want her to know that as long as we are together,whatever difficulties that comes,Im sure we can face it together as one.At first the weather was too hot and we shifted to the library,intentionally but too bad the library was only opened on weekdays.Then we went to level 4 instead where there was a bench just for the both of us.We did By’s work.We spent time together.Then both of us gargled some water,NOT DRINK!Haha....We then break fast at KFC.At first we went to BK but then we went to the new shopping centre.We went to the adidas boutique.We got lots of things to buy but a little money to spend.Ehem..HAha...So we ended up just going window shopping.Then we ate at KFC where I met my cousin Rafhana.On the way home,we bought a black ‘hair net’.I don’t know what’s that called.Then By was asking me,what if she can’t repay my deeds.
By,I don’t need you to repay anything.All I do,its ikhlas By.For you.To me,all I want to do is see your smile sayang.Till death,i’ll always love you.

Forgive me

2009-08-27T20:04:00.000-07:00

Forgive me for my imperfectness,my weaknesses and stupidity.Im prone to problems,vulnerable to mistakes,slow at realising,stupid at changing and idiotic when Im down.Ive been making mistakes faster than learning from them.Im pathetic and stupid at times.Thats why sometimes i need her support and courage to push me on.To help me realise and be a better person.Sometimes I can't stand firm when everything comes like a wave in the ocean.I can't grab on when everything's too fast.I hoped too much.Im sorry.I control,kept sticking on to the selfishness,Im sorry.I can't be perfect,Im sorry.I can't be a guy who is independant,Im sorry.Despite everything,in the name of Allah,I try,I try to change myself.Im trying to stop making mistakes because I don't want to lose her.Im sorry but Im trying.Ya Allah,give me the strength.Please Ya Allah.Help your lowly,useless and weak servant.Punish me All you want,give me pain and let me suffer.Show me the light and take me out of my darkest nightmare Ya Allah.Please Ya Allah.I beg you.You bless her and our family.Give the people I love all your blessings and hapiness.Let me have all their suffering.All i ask is hapiness for them.Amin.Im sorry.Im a disapointment.A jackass.Im sorry.

Its All boud You

2009-08-27T18:55:00.000-07:00

One day she could be loving,

Another day she might be hurting,

No matter what I'll always be holding,

Because my love is never ending.

You're like a spark easily ignited,

But I can't forget when you're soft hearted,

My love for you can never be weakened,

Because till death it'll be strengthened.

A girl is beautiful and sexy when she loves pink.When she walks like a model swaying from side to side.When she sprays herself with half-bottle gucci spray.When she put layers of make-up on her face.When she exposes herself to the world.She gives the world her privacy.She talks in a very high and pampered tone.Thats for some people.

For me,she is the most beautiful girl in the world.She don't need make up to show herself.She dont need to spray perfumes to get me attracted.She don't need to expose her parts to make me look at her.But her heart captures me.Her selfless,kind and strong courage captivates me.Her strength can take down the world's strongest man.Her determination.Her smiles brings light.Her presence brings calmness to the hearts of people.She's willing to put herself aside for other people.She's willing to sacrifice what she wants for the people she love.Thats beauty.Im proud of her.Im always thankful to Allah for letting me love her and be in love with her.I can never find and will never find any other girl like her.I'd rather be alone than to live without her.She's my strength and joy.She's my everything.Picking me up when I fall.Reminding me when I forget.Im thankful to her for being there for me always,loving me and caring about me.May Allah bless her always.Amin.I LOVE YOU SITI NUR SYAZWANI.Till my very last breath,I do.Muacks.

Im back!!!!!!

2009-08-27T17:45:00.000-07:00

Its long since I last wrote an entry.Well Im back and feeling great.Alot of things happened.Well I just finished my exams.Now,its 7 weeks break.Urm.7 WEEKS BREAK!!!!!!!Yay!!!Thats the good thing.The bad thing is,what am I gonna do during this break?Nothing to study.Work?Haiya,lazy uh.Well I'll just spend time with my one and only dear.Its time to have fun,laughter,peace and joy.Its great man.

How am I?Well Im fine.Doing great.I just sent my dearest girlfriend to school just now.I send her almost everyday now.Sometimes i see her after her school.Well just to share somethings with her.She's having her o'level english oral today.So goodluck baby!!!!May you do well.Amin.Things have been going up and down lately.But Im glad because I get to go through everything with my baby.Well she's the greatest girl ever and I'll love her always.But we'll talk about her later.Now,its my story.Well I don't know how well I can do for my exams but Im sure I can past.Amin.Well yesterday was my last paper,EC1403 Electronics.Its so frustrating.The module coordinator seems not to be doing his job.I studied the textbook which is so damn thick guess what?He set the paper according to last year's test paper.Only thing is he just change some of the questions.A little only.Most of them were repeated questions!!My mechanics was tough though.My autocad,I couldn't finish but I hope I can do better this time round.

Well on wednesday,me and honey went to S'pore post.Then there was this woman who wasn't in the line at 1st but then she just stand in front of honey.She was like pushing my girlfriend.Idiotic se.The my by was so annoyed that she was criticizing the nyonya loudly.HAha...Then the nyonya was talking a woman wearing a scarf.The woman got the priority because she was carrying a baby but this stupid nyonya was saying that because she was wearing a scarf,a muslim thats why she's priritized.Come on man.HAha...Then my BY was talking loudly again.She goes like "Singaporean nowadays are so inconsiderate.They cannot think.They CUT QUEUE".Yup she emphasized 'CUT QUEUE'.HAha..Love you la BY.

Yesterday night,thursday,I went and meet my teacher at the mosque.Had a chat for awhile.He was with his son.Then he sent me home.Well thats all I got to write.Will b3e updating if I have time and if there are interesting things to share.So till then.

All I need is your support and love

2009-08-22T00:05:00.000-07:00

I called her this morning to hear her voice and ask her font for her t-shirt.She shouted at me on the phone,at a very loud voice.I'll be lying if I say Im not hurt.Well I am hurt,tears came down but I don't blame her.Thankyou Baby.I really appreciate it.I know,she is doing this to make me a better person.I take it with open arms.No matter how hurt my heart gonna be,I'll always love her deep down sincerely with all my heart.I know I ain't the best of guys,i lack lots of things,I cant stop making mistakes myself.But I'll try my best to be someone useful than what i am.I'll try.

I got to chat with her.Baby,thank you for at least wanting to know.If you know how painful it is for me inside.But nevermind.I don't blame anyone.I should be treated like this.It suits me.Im just useless I know.No matter what's going to happen to me,I'll always love my family and her even if there isn't any breath left in me.Will be updating soon.

I know im always a jackass

2009-08-21T03:46:00.000-07:00

I chat with the love of my life,but she said 'DIAM UH'.But I don't blame her.I know its my fault.My mistakes and imperfectness.I couldn't stop my stupid self from making mistakes.Everything she said about me was true.She was there,caring about me and my family.She was there supporting me when I was down.But yet.time by time,all I do is just stupid mistakes.What a loser i am?She's right saying Im just a jackass,a jerk.She have a really big heart that she pushed herself aside to make me think of my responsibilities.

Im just not strong enough but I'll try,for her and Allah.I'll try making my family happy.To be there and balance everything.Even if I have to face any criticisms.Because I know that's what she wants me to do.For my love,I'll do anything and even for my family.Im completing tuition now.Will be updating soon.

I'll be loving you forever

2009-08-21T03:16:00.000-07:00

Awak,I know you are angry with me.But sumpah demi Allah,all I did was to get a phone to reply u.If you knew,you'll believe me.My brother just refused to give me his phone.I know you are worried about me yesterday.When I didnt reply,you were angry.Im sorry.If that is my mistake,then punish me in any way you want.Because you know,no matter how painful its gonna be for me,I'll always hang on to you.Marah i by,hit me again,do anything,you know I'll never leave you.My whole body is in pain.My arm is having cut.My back are having cramps.My legs have swollen parts.But nevermind.I'll take this pain as a punishment for all my mistakes towards you.I love you and will always do.May Allah add the pain im having now.Im sorry again.I love you.Till death I will always do.

Im sorry

2009-08-20T17:44:00.000-07:00

Baby,im sorry if you are angry about what happened last night.Its not that I didn't want to reply to your message or what.its just that my brother hid his phone and he didn't allow me to use it.Im really sorry.Actually yesterday I fell down and landed on my side.My leg now bengkak.Got one side like something jerking out.Another side of my leg pun ade.When i alek,i tros sms u.

Then this morning I still came down eventhough you told me 'Jangan buang current'.By,its not that I didn't hear what you said but I came to see you to say how very sorry i am.It was painful for me to walk that fast but i took the pain as a punishment for myself.By,if you are having bad mood towards your family,Im really sorry.I know I've caused much trouble fror you.Because of me,you have to face your parents.Im really sorry.Its not what I want.By,if you wanna let out your emotions to me,your anger or what,just feel free k.Hit me hard if you want to.I dont mind by.I'd rather be in pain as long as i see you are alright.

By,what you said is true by.And I understand what you say its because you love me and you don't want anything to happen to us.Thank you sayang.But its not that I don't want to go home.Actually,i come to your place selalu because its where i feel peace by,being close to you.When Im at home,im stressed up because I feel like everyone and everything is pressing on me.Im just disappointed with myself by.Sometimes i just can't be what they want me to.And failing to do something makes me in pain.Sometimes Im criticized,looked down at.Its really sad by when i try doing something,no one's there to see.But when I fall,make a mistake,everyone know.I just don't understand why it has to be like that always.By,its not that im pushing my responsibilities at home.But I just don't know how by.When I nak ajar my bro,he refuses to listen to me and in the end I jugak kene marah.Im trying hasd to please my family by,but its really disappointing when no one realises how hard i try.Thats why I try to avoid by not being at home and keeping myself bz outside.Im just afraid by that i fail,fail to be a good son and brother in their eyes.Everytime they criticize me,I still stand on eventhough its really painful inside.But I'll try by,I'll keep trying.All I want is the people i love to be happy.I'd rather pierce a knife through my heart,feel the deep pain,as long as I can see the people i love smile.

Awak,Im really sorry for everything.If im the cause of your problems,I promise i'll never forgive myself and i'll hurt myself.All i want is your hapiness.No matter what,I'll always love you and will always do till death come and take me away.

DAte

2009-08-16T18:04:00.000-07:00

Smiles!!!!!!MRsmint.

Us when we are out dating.HAha.Not an ordinary one,but a study date at my sayang's future school LASALLE AMIN!!!!!!!!

Its on a saturday,15 August 2009.We met at 751 and head out for Bugis.Had our lunch at Lasalle itself,my sayang's favourite Bee Hoon.By,time by time spent with you,it brings me joy and happiness deep down from the bottom of my heart.Thankyou for everything sayang.We went shopping(window shopping haha) at bugis junction.We looked at the clothes in Topshop and dorothy perkins.Something caught the eyes of my sayang,a vintage type shirt.By,we work together and earn the money together to buy k dear.Then we studied at Lasalle.We were commenting on the security gaurds.Haha..Some were really lazy.Imagine a security guard who dont even know the building???Nonsense.Then we sang together.But....HAha.U know this one by.WHEN YOU DISTURBED AND LAUGHED AT ME ALL THE WAY.HAhaGigit awak baru tau.

Ok,till here.Will be updating soon.Love you baby.

Happi Anniversary

2009-08-16T06:47:00.000-07:00

Its 9.49pm.

Just a few more hours away from my 1year5months.

By,now all i feel is so cranked up.Im so agitated.I feel so stressed up.I got an assignment that is dued today but i just got to know.All thanks to the BLACK MAMBA!!!!

Updated at 8.43am.
I left starbucks yesterday around 10+.I got my work and left for home straight.Then i finished my work at around 1+.I made something for my by.Just something not special,i got no money.But by,if you judge it with your heart,its really ikhlas from me sayang.Thankyou for being there for me when I need you most.Thankyou for cooling down the flame that was burning in me.i really appreciate it honey.I really do.Thankyou veri2 much baby.

Im in school now.Studying for my exam later.Baby,goodluck for your mock test k sayang.May Allah bless you and give you good results k my dear.No matter what outcome it is,im always proud of you because you tried.

My princess,I can't live without her.She's the only one that will always be in my heart,now and forever.No matter what happens,I'll always be there for her even if I have to suffer pain.I know,there's no one else for me that i want to share my heart with.Only her till death comes and take me.No other girl can ever take her place.Her strength and will is an eye opener for me.She came like a light brighting up my darkest times.Giving me a knock so hard that Im awakened from the deepest sleep I fell in.Thankyou veri much honey.May Allah bless you.amin

Our memories

2009-08-11T18:46:00.000-07:00

The 1st time i sat in front of her,my heart kept pounding.I kept looking down.I was trembling,nervous.Imagine sitting in front of a girl who u've always like.Who you always look at but you got no opportunity nor courage to approach.It gives a chill down my spine when she smiled at me.Then,she's the 1st girl who I get to know and talk to her parents.The 1st to come to my house.Being with her always makes me feel as if Im flying.Her joy,strength and willingness was an eye opener.She got inner beauty which captivates me.She was willing to leave her family just to stay and accompany her grandma.She was the first who cared alot boud me.She's always there to share my problems.We were always in my class in the morning.Sometimes we cry together.we shared amost everything.Usually during recess,we'll sit behind my classroom or go walk around together.There's once we were joking in my class while she was studying for her exams,she tickled me till i fell on the floor.We even did centre parting and laughed at each other.Whe she got problems,we'll walk around and share.When she ran,i went out looking for her.Morning or night.By,if you can read my blog,you'll know.U'll understand by.My love is for eternity,just for you,never will there be a replacement.I love you ikhlas for Allah n rasul.I've made a promise and I'll keep it.In my heart,there's only one,which is you,till death.

So stupid of me

2009-08-11T17:55:00.000-07:00

By,im sorry.I know,I can never be a perfect person like you want.I make a lot of mistakes in the past.I do this and that.Everything is my fault.Me this and that.i even ruined my last chance.What a jackass I am?You are right.I banyak susahkan you.Im a life ruiner.A destroyer.But i try to change by,I learnt from my mistake.I do.I ask you,is it fair that Im punished like this just for forgetting?Im a normal human.I cant be perfect.I do make lots and lots of mistakes.But dont i deserve to be forgiven,just for my mistake as a man?I take it by,its difficult for you to just forgive.But,Ive hurt you alot.I know I keep asking for chances.Then I keep making mistakes.But trust me sayang,Im changing.Do i force you like what i did last time?Ade ke I pentingkan diri I sendiri?Im sorry that I menyusahkan you.I know what jerk I am.I love u and I really do syg.If you know what's in my heart,you'll see by.I love you.im willing to give everything,even give up my life just for you dear.i know how much you regret meeting me.But i dont by.Till death,I'll love you always.Hate my all you want.I deserve to be hated.Im just a loser who always screw up everything.I hope I'll be punished by Allah for my mistakes.