Ya Allah,please forgive me.Im just a useless servant of yours.I fill my life with selfishness,egoism,cruelty and lies.I've never been anyone useful.I'm not needed by anyone,I only create difficulties and sadness for other people.My family and my loved ones.Im sinful Ya Allah.Please punish me with the most painful pain that you can ever give anyone Ya Allah.Please Ya Allah.You give me pain and the only pain.But please give the people I love happiness.No matter how much mistakes they make,please forgive them Ya Allah.Give them happiness and success.I don't mind ya Allah if you want to punish me as badly as you want,but no matter what pain or difficulty they face,please take it away.Cure their every sickness.Take away their every sadness.Put smiles on their faces Ya Allah.Bless my family,Siti Nur Syazwani and her family Ya Allah.Please Ya Allah.Please.I beg you.Give me difficulty,any pain but not them Ya Allah.Only you know what's in my heart Ya Allah.If all this while,whatever I do because I just wanna get name for myself,you punish me Ya Allah.You give me painful death Ya Allah.But if all I do just to make them smile and happy,you forgive all my mistakes Ya Allah.Please.Show me the right path Ya Allah.I want to be a better person.Please Ya Allah.Help guide me.You've send me the light,please don't take her away.Please don't take her away.If all this while,I've never sincerely love her,you destroy me now,if my intention is just to take advantage,you punish me with the most painful death Ya Allah.I beg you Ya Allah,don't ever give me any other girl because I don't want nor need anyone else.All I need is Syazwani Ya Allah.I promise you before and I'll promise you again that im never gonna love any other girl.Just her.You become my witness Ya Allah.I'm gonna keep this promise till my very last breath.Hel me change Ya Allah.I don't want to have to lie anymore.Help me Ya Allah.Open my heart.Show me the right way.To you,only to you that I bow,I love you Ya Allah.I love Syazwani,my family an her family.Till death I will.Amin.
Awak,I know you might not read my blog,but if you do,i just wanna say I'm really sorry for hurting you.I didn't meant to By.Trust me.I was just filled with sadness and anger.I was so disappointed with myself that I let my emotions take over me.Im sorry.I was such a jackass,a jerk,shouting at you back there.What was I thinking?Actually I needed you By,that's why I didn't want you to go.But I was too ego to say.Im sorry.By,no matter what,im gonna love you,only you.Thankyou for everything.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
I take it faithfully
Ya Allah,hamba mu ini lemah,daif dan berdosa.Aku sedari segala kesilapanku.Aku ini hamba mu yang terkutuk.Segala kesilapan dan dosa yang telah aku lakukan seperti pasir di lautan,bintang di langit,rumput di darat.Kau berilah petunjuk bagiku.Berilah aku taufiq dan hidayah.Hanya pada engkau aku berserah.Aku terima segala dugaan dan kesusahan yang kau berikan.Kau seksa lah diriku ini,tetapi kau berilah kesenangan,kegembiraan,keselamatan,kesejahteraan dan kebahagiaan kepada orang-orang yang aku sayang di dunia dan di akhirat.Walaupun aku tiada,kau lindungi lah mereka ya Allah.Kau ampunkan segala dosa-dosa mereka walau sebasar lautan pun Ya Allah.Sekiranya kau harus merberiku kesakitan dan kepedihan ini,aku terima dengan hati yang terbuka.Aku ingin rasa disayangi dan dihargai.Hanya engkau saja yang tahu apa yang tersirat di dalam hatiku ini.Kau berilah keampunan kepadaku.Berilah aku kekuatan untik menempuh segalanya.Hanya kaulah tempat aku mengadu siang dan malam.Kau yang meggerakkan segalanya.Tanpamu,tiadalah segalanya.Hanya padamu aku berserah.Amin.
Friday, September 25, 2009
Please By
By,no matter what,please stay strong and hang on to me.People will never stop talking but we must stay strong k.Please.Remember?Love forever no matter what?That's our promise right?I need you and i really do.Please hold on k.I love you.
2nd day raya
Today,my aunt came and my sis as well.This morning By called me.I was really hurt when she said she gave the baju to her mama.But then I let it go.Today everything go like shit.Everything was wrong.All I did tak kene.I got really upset.I kept calling By and it was sad when she raised her voice.I really didn't know who to go to now.I went to Ayah Noor's place.Then I went back home straight and left again to wait for By.I walked all the way to 409 where i stopped as I felt my By was around that place.Then,coincidently she smsed me and said that she was at 409.It was like I could feel her presence.(I love you).Then I picked By up under the block.We walked home and I let out my emotions to her.(Thku for being there for me)Then we walked across the field,By was on my back.Haha...Its really great.Then we printed some pics and I sent her home.
Hari Raya
Today is Raya.After solat I went to By's place to send her baju kurung.Then straight to nenek,ustaz and nenek's place in order.I didnt go home.I overnight at nenek's place instead.Nothing really happened today.Im glad that By liked what I got for her.
On the Night Before Raya
Wow,raya!!!!!!!Its like the blink of the eyes and puasa is over.Well I met Azizul today,going to GEYLANG..Havoc se,ramai giler orang,sesak se.The longer we stay,the more people there are.I walked rounds and rounds,looking for the perfect baju for my darling.Well,the 1st shop we went,the price was unreasonable at all.$75 on the eve of raya?C'mon man.Finally after walking in rounds and facing the human jam,YES HUMAN JAM!!!Kecoh se.Then I finally chose a purple suit for my honey.I wanted to send her the baju that night but around 11pm,my head started to feel giddy.We rest at Darul Arqam and solat Isyak there.It was hell of a night.I vomited about 4-5 times man.When we wanted to go home at about 12+,there was no more train se.My dad picked us.Tido at 2am.K,till here.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Geylang encore
6th September 2009
I went blaja ugama.Then I thought of sending By to the MRT.Luckily I saw papa at the MRT.I gave chase and met Nur and By.I passed By her makeup kit.Then she left.I went home,changed and get out.I met By at Paya Lebar S’pore post.They went geylang to change the Punjabi but they couldn’t find the place till I come.Then when we reached,the lady said we could only change on a weekday.Then we looked around for awhile and went to LJS.By and her sis ate while I just have a smell.Haha.(Kesian).Then I met my parents at Geylang.They picked me up and we went to TKC.Then we rushed to Pasar.There wasn’t any space so I rushed myself to Joo chiat.There were tables but there weren’t any chairs.My sis smsed me,’come here now’.I assumed they were at Pasar but then when I reached pasar,they were at Joo Chiat.So I run back there.When I reached,they shouted at me,’Bodoh ah kau!’.It really hurt me and at the same time I was really embarrassed.I didn’t say anything and walked away.Then we bought baju kurung.I bought a red one.Then after everything we went home.Can’t wait for next Thursday.(I love you baby).
I went blaja ugama.Then I thought of sending By to the MRT.Luckily I saw papa at the MRT.I gave chase and met Nur and By.I passed By her makeup kit.Then she left.I went home,changed and get out.I met By at Paya Lebar S’pore post.They went geylang to change the Punjabi but they couldn’t find the place till I come.Then when we reached,the lady said we could only change on a weekday.Then we looked around for awhile and went to LJS.By and her sis ate while I just have a smell.Haha.(Kesian).Then I met my parents at Geylang.They picked me up and we went to TKC.Then we rushed to Pasar.There wasn’t any space so I rushed myself to Joo chiat.There were tables but there weren’t any chairs.My sis smsed me,’come here now’.I assumed they were at Pasar but then when I reached pasar,they were at Joo Chiat.So I run back there.When I reached,they shouted at me,’Bodoh ah kau!’.It really hurt me and at the same time I was really embarrassed.I didn’t say anything and walked away.Then we bought baju kurung.I bought a red one.Then after everything we went home.Can’t wait for next Thursday.(I love you baby).
Geylang!!!!
5th September 2009
It started of as a usual day.I met By at the MRT.I was late because I had to help mama buy some kuih things which in the end she didn’t use it because one ingredient was missing.Then we went to Kakak’s house.We reached around 1.30 which was really early as the class was at 2.30pm.By was thirsty so i poured some drink for her.She couldn’t fast.Then she was agitated at me because I wasn’t supposed to pour that drink as Kakak was at home and By was embarrassed.(By,i tak sampai hati seeing you thirsty,that’s why I poured for you the drink).Then we did maths which then ended up being angry at me.(I don’t mind sayang,if you feel stressed,just shout at me,hit me even if you want,as long as you feel better,I don’t mind if I have to get hurt).Then it all starts.We left kakak’s house at 5pm.All the way to Geylang.When we reach there,1st thing By wanted to go to the toilet.I brought her to TKC.The toilet was really bad according to her.Then we went to Haig Road,we wanted to break fast there.By used that toilet.Its was really bad but when it has to come,it has to come.At 1st there wasn’t any space at the coffee shop,but then the mamak made us share a table with two unknown people.We didn’t mind as long as we could eat.By ordered mee kuah and i ordered kway teow goreng.Then while we were eating,the mamak asked for the bill.We paid for the drinks 1st then food.The mamak didn’t give the correct change till I was like shouted at him.The makcik also was fussing about the system there.Haha...Then on the way to shopping.We went to bazaar by bazaar.The shirt at the 1st shop caught By’s attention then we didn’t buy it 1st.We kept walking but everything wasn’t pleasing.I was really tired then we had to go back to the 1st shop.when the seller said the price,we felt like crying.We then went to the Pasar.There we finally bought Punjabi.I was glad seeing the happiness in By’s eyes.Haha.Her smile was really wide.She looked really beautiful.(I love you sayang.Im proud to have you By.It was a hard time choosing clothes,but I found out something about you,you aren’t the type that Aiya Bo Chap,you go all the way for something you want.You don’t just follow others,you got your own style and you are making me love you more and more.Im glad that we got to spend time together.It was really long but every second with you,its meaningful and memorable for me.Thankyou sayang).We then took the MRT home.By wanted to take the bounce but I said nevermind since mama asked not to be late.We stand together in the MRT.By was too tired that she rested on my chest.(Ade air liuh tak?)Haha...That night was really meaningful.I love you By.
It started of as a usual day.I met By at the MRT.I was late because I had to help mama buy some kuih things which in the end she didn’t use it because one ingredient was missing.Then we went to Kakak’s house.We reached around 1.30 which was really early as the class was at 2.30pm.By was thirsty so i poured some drink for her.She couldn’t fast.Then she was agitated at me because I wasn’t supposed to pour that drink as Kakak was at home and By was embarrassed.(By,i tak sampai hati seeing you thirsty,that’s why I poured for you the drink).Then we did maths which then ended up being angry at me.(I don’t mind sayang,if you feel stressed,just shout at me,hit me even if you want,as long as you feel better,I don’t mind if I have to get hurt).Then it all starts.We left kakak’s house at 5pm.All the way to Geylang.When we reach there,1st thing By wanted to go to the toilet.I brought her to TKC.The toilet was really bad according to her.Then we went to Haig Road,we wanted to break fast there.By used that toilet.Its was really bad but when it has to come,it has to come.At 1st there wasn’t any space at the coffee shop,but then the mamak made us share a table with two unknown people.We didn’t mind as long as we could eat.By ordered mee kuah and i ordered kway teow goreng.Then while we were eating,the mamak asked for the bill.We paid for the drinks 1st then food.The mamak didn’t give the correct change till I was like shouted at him.The makcik also was fussing about the system there.Haha...Then on the way to shopping.We went to bazaar by bazaar.The shirt at the 1st shop caught By’s attention then we didn’t buy it 1st.We kept walking but everything wasn’t pleasing.I was really tired then we had to go back to the 1st shop.when the seller said the price,we felt like crying.We then went to the Pasar.There we finally bought Punjabi.I was glad seeing the happiness in By’s eyes.Haha.Her smile was really wide.She looked really beautiful.(I love you sayang.Im proud to have you By.It was a hard time choosing clothes,but I found out something about you,you aren’t the type that Aiya Bo Chap,you go all the way for something you want.You don’t just follow others,you got your own style and you are making me love you more and more.Im glad that we got to spend time together.It was really long but every second with you,its meaningful and memorable for me.Thankyou sayang).We then took the MRT home.By wanted to take the bounce but I said nevermind since mama asked not to be late.We stand together in the MRT.By was too tired that she rested on my chest.(Ade air liuh tak?)Haha...That night was really meaningful.I love you By.
Lasalle
29 August 2009
I cancelled my tuition again.I went out with the sweetest girl in my life.Again on a ‘study-date’.We went to her future school,Lasalle,Amin.(By i want to see you there and I’ll always doakan you will reach your dreams).When we reached,she was thirsty and pleading me to break fast.But I didn’t allow.I know im cruel but I did that because I just want her to know that as long as we are together,whatever difficulties that comes,Im sure we can face it together as one.At first the weather was too hot and we shifted to the library,intentionally but too bad the library was only opened on weekdays.Then we went to level 4 instead where there was a bench just for the both of us.We did By’s work.We spent time together.Then both of us gargled some water,NOT DRINK!Haha....We then break fast at KFC.At first we went to BK but then we went to the new shopping centre.We went to the adidas boutique.We got lots of things to buy but a little money to spend.Ehem..HAha...So we ended up just going window shopping.Then we ate at KFC where I met my cousin Rafhana.On the way home,we bought a black ‘hair net’.I don’t know what’s that called.Then By was asking me,what if she can’t repay my deeds.
By,I don’t need you to repay anything.All I do,its ikhlas By.For you.To me,all I want to do is see your smile sayang.Till death,i’ll always love you.
I cancelled my tuition again.I went out with the sweetest girl in my life.Again on a ‘study-date’.We went to her future school,Lasalle,Amin.(By i want to see you there and I’ll always doakan you will reach your dreams).When we reached,she was thirsty and pleading me to break fast.But I didn’t allow.I know im cruel but I did that because I just want her to know that as long as we are together,whatever difficulties that comes,Im sure we can face it together as one.At first the weather was too hot and we shifted to the library,intentionally but too bad the library was only opened on weekdays.Then we went to level 4 instead where there was a bench just for the both of us.We did By’s work.We spent time together.Then both of us gargled some water,NOT DRINK!Haha....We then break fast at KFC.At first we went to BK but then we went to the new shopping centre.We went to the adidas boutique.We got lots of things to buy but a little money to spend.Ehem..HAha...So we ended up just going window shopping.Then we ate at KFC where I met my cousin Rafhana.On the way home,we bought a black ‘hair net’.I don’t know what’s that called.Then By was asking me,what if she can’t repay my deeds.
By,I don’t need you to repay anything.All I do,its ikhlas By.For you.To me,all I want to do is see your smile sayang.Till death,i’ll always love you.
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